*The legislation of marriage in response to the human urge and inclinations towards sex as a main instinct:
For Allah, the institution of marriage based on mutuality of natural interest and cordiality between spouses represents a sublime manifestation of the Divine Will and Purpose. This is discernible in the Quranic verse cited below:
Allah Almighty says:
“And among His signs is this, that He created for you from among yourselves mates that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has made between you affection and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who are reflecting” (30:21).
I would like here to express that there are two verses in the holy Allah, which are complementary with each other, putting the whole constitution for the marital life with all its sides, the first one is this one which is setting the rule for the everyday life events within the marriage, and the second is coming a bit later telling about every single rule concerning the sexual life. This makes a perfect mixture for the believing followers if they stick to what Allah ordered and Prophet Mohamed (PBUH) has demonstrated in his blessed Sunnah.
Here comes the urge to disclose the meanings present in this past verse, which could be not very clear to most of people (even Allah) who read the Allah just simply without getting into its profound meanings, and among whom I have met a lot in the audients of the lectures I gave in different countries of the Allah world, and who wee so astonished of that clear miraculous meaning which seemed like unclear to them. So let us interpret in details; word by word the verse #21, coming in chapter 30 (called “Ar-rum” or “the Romans”):
-And among his signs (aya’s’); this means that this is one of the multipleAllah miracles, and mentioning the word “aya” –which comes in this verse in the plural form- has many meanings in the Arabic dictionary:
1st: sign-mark-indication
2nd: miracle-wonder-marvel
3rd: example-lesson-warning
4th: exemplar-pattern
5th: masterpiece
6th: verse (divine book verse)
So, here is clear that Allah Almighty mentioned only 1 word to indicate all these above-meanings; let us continue to admire together the inimitability and the wondrous nature of the Holy Allah;
- “that he created for you”: this is just the literal/verbal meaning of the verse, but the substantial meaning is something else; this is that Allah wants people in general and followers specifically to get the idea of the particularization and the individualization which is gotten from the word ‘for you’.
- “from among yourselves”: This is to be said also literally, but substantially, we have to try to see through that there is a common source for the created beings, so as every spouse has to know that his mate is created in the very first place from his/her self so as to have to look after, and to keep safe, sound, and happy, and also not ever to hurt, neither verbally nor physically, which is to summarized into giving the same care to the spouse as to oneself. All these meanings are inspired from the word “yourselves”
- :mates/spouses”: Here is lastly the entity that Allah kept introducing to mention; so this is the lucky structure Allah was talking about with all this specification for humans to know that the man/woman entities are not separable from each other as they both have the same source of creation; which was split to be reunified at an indicated time; that is marriage, which is the Holy unification God likes most.
- “that you may dwell in tranquility with them”: the target word in his verse is “tranquility”, so let us enquire about the meanings of the Arabic word used to give this verbal meaning in the Arabic dictionary:
1st: trust in-confidence in
2nd: having faith in-rely on
3rd: feel at ease with
4th: to calm with-to tranquilize with
5th: to be relieved with
As we notice, all these up-mentioned meanings are the main purposes of the marital relationship; and that is why Allah created both parties from the same source and entity so as if someone finds his right partner, all these purposes would be there and fulfilled.
-“and he has made between you”: this is to signify the main kind of feelings that should be present between parties to be married, so as to be able to start over a marital life on solid basis.
-“affection and mercy”; of course the original language any statement is established with gives the best and the most precise meaning ever, and this is the clue of the poorness of the verbal/literal meaning in relation to the substantial profound meaning originally aimed to; and I would like all of us to notice other very important point here; this is that Allah Almighty did not mention love as to be there obligatorily before marriage, but He preconditioned these two above-mentioned kinds of feelings; affection, and mercy. So let us move to the different meanings of the word ‘affection’ (Mawaddah):
1st: cordiality-friendly feeling-goodwill
2nd: sincere affection-friendliness-amicability
3rd: intimacy-frienship-love
About the word “mercy” (Rahmah):
1st: mercy-clemency
2nd: lenity-leniency
3rd: compasson-pity
4th:sympathy-graciousness-kindness
If we have a significant and a profound look throughout all these positive feelings mentioned just above, we could conclude that the simplest way to express “Mawaddah” or “affection” is to talk very gently with one’s partner and to take a very special care to be a very sweet talker, meaningly, usually to say nice words, like unceasingly flattering the other’s good looking and elegance, always saying nice words expressing positive feelings like love, missing, appreciation, and also being thankful whenever indicated, and overall being always aware of the other’s feelings whether positive or negative, like happiness, sadness, and always being supportive and merged to each other as one unit.. and many other positive feelings that could be concluded from, and are included in the global meaning of the word “Mawaddah” or “sincere affection”
Coming to the word “rahmah” or “mercy”:
I personally assume that in nowadays lifestyle-language; this could be simply translated into: non-charging/non-burdening one another beyond his/her tolerance or bearing capability, whether this overcharging is physical, emotional, moral, or financial.
So, let us imagine a marital life, both parties of which are good believing followers, having all these up-mentioned positive feelings, and insisting on performing the good behavior Allah ordered, wouldn’t t it be a greatly happy life? Surely no one could ever imagine that there is an existing marital life with no negative sides, but taking these principles as basics of our marital life would be always able to cut every negativity short, because of having the power of fighting due to the hardness of the ground this relationship specifically is standing over. On the other hand, letting go one or both of the two main preconditions Allah set as rules for the happy marriage would never guarantee a long-lasting happiness within the marital life.
-“surely in this”: this is to mention that what came in the words of the verse so far is positively…
-“signs”/”aya’s’”: here is a repetition of the word “aya” also in the plural form, this is meant by Allah Almighty to remind the reader that it is not a simple thing to differentiate two sexes from the same origin; to remodel them to match each other, and to put all these positive feelings in the one towards the other… Really, especially this matter of feelings is not at all a facile process to be created. Coming to the last word in this amazing Quranic verse;
-“for people who are reflecting”: the exact word means verbally:
1st: thinking about-cerbrate
2nd: consideration-contemplation
3rd: reflection-mediation-cogitation
4th: pondering-musin-speculation
5th: thought-intellection-reasoning
From all these above-mentioned meanings of this word, we clearly conclude the substantial meaning, that is Allah here wants to attract readers’ attention saying that this Quranic verse is not as simple as to be read verbally and that’s it; but to be read, understood, thought about very deeply, picked up its profound meanings which are there beyond the mere words, here why he mentioned the way of carrying out this whole process of marriage, and of leading a happy marital life, and here is why he is making an alert for the reader that he should reread, reunderstand, cerebrate, all the in-mentioned meanings (in the verse) for the purpose of Allah to be fulfilled, so as to avoid ruining marital lives which are the most holy and sacred link mostly desired by Allah.
And here ends the Quranic verse which settles the rules and the principles that are now requested by the specialized psychologists and marriage counselors to be followed in order to achieve a maximally successful marital life.
According to Islamic tradition (Sunnah), marriage has been deemed to be an essential requirement. Celibacy has been regarded as a malevolent condition fraught with evils.
The Islamic approach concerning marriage and morals differs from what is known about some of the traditional moralizations of a negative kind. Surprisingly enough, certain traditional moralists regarded sexuality as something basically wicked. They viewed sexual intercourse; even with ones legal spouse, as impure, evil, undesirable, destructive, and as if it were characteristic of the guilty and fallen.
Still more surprising is the generalized view harbored in the West that the traditional world commonly believed in the superstition that ascribed an evil connotation to everything pertaining to sex. The famous Western philosopher, Bertrand Russell, is no exception in this regard. In his book: Marriage and Morals, he generalizes that:
“ ... anti-sexual elements, however, existed side by side with the others from a very early time, and in the end, where ever Christianity and Buddhism prevailed, these elements won a complete victory over their opposites. Westermarck gives many instances of what he calls ‘the curious notion, that there is something impure and sinful in marriage, as in sexual relations generally.
In the most diverse parts of the world, quite remote from any Christian or Buddhist influence, there have been orders of priests and priestesses vowed to celibacy. Among the Jews the sect of the Essenes considered all sexual intercourse impure. This view seems to have gained ground in antiquity.
... There was indeed a generalized tendency towards ascetism in the Roman Empire. Epicureanism nearly died out and stoicism replaced it among cultivated Greeks and Romans. ... The neo-Platonists were almost as ascetic as the Christians. From Persia the doctrine that matter is evil spread to the West, and brought with it the belief that all sexual intercourse is impure. This is, though not in an extreme form, the view of the Church...”
Negative sexual attitudes continued through the centuries to affect masses of credulous people, in an adverse and also frightening manner of repugnance towards sex. Some psychoanalysts largely and uniquely attribute the high incidence of psychosomatic disorders and spiritual ailments to a widespread prevalence of deeply ingrained negative sexuality.
*What could have been the causative factors in the misconceptions about sexuality?
*What could be the reasons for men to deny themselves the natural satisfaction and the psychosomatic well being associated with healthy and desirable sex?
*Why should people lead their lives, so as to virtually condemn an essentially wholesome part of their lives?
These are some of the complex questions for which thinking men have yet to provide meaningful and convincing answers. Yet, we all know that there could be many different reasons for, and causes of, aversion to human sexuality.
Apparently, the reasons include prejudicial thinking about sexual desire and intercourse. The prejudice was carried to the extreme among the Christians, in organizing their churches and the clergy.
The celibacy of Jesus Christ inspired them to the effect that married status for saints and preachers was considered tantamount to pollution of their chastity and piety. Accordingly, Popes are always chosen from among unmarried priests. In fact, all the members of the Catholic clergy are bound by their oaths of celibacy towards remaining virtuous.
Bertrand Russell says:
“Two or three beautiful descriptions of this institution (marriage) have been culled out of the immense mass of the patristic writings; but in general, it would be difficult to conceive anything more coarse or repulsive than the manner in which they regarded it. ... The object of the ascetic was to attract men to a life of virginity, and as a necessary consequence, marriage was treated as an inferior state. ... To ‘cut down by the axe of Virginity the wood of Marriage’ was in the energetic language of St. Jerome, the end of the saint”
Church approves marriage for purpose of human procreation. The need for propagation of human species is not construed as something adequate to lift the stigma of impurity from any sexual act. Another reason for conceding marriage is to eliminate fornication between men and women. Again to quote Bertrand Russell:
“Christianity, and more particularly St. Paul, introduced an entirely novel view of marriage that it existed not primarily for the procreation of children, but to prevent the sin of fornication”
The Catholic Church regards marriage as sacrosanct and binding until death intervenes. Accordingly, dissolution of marriage, or divorce, is not permitted. The prohibition of annulment of marriage or divorce may have something to do with a possible desire to atone for the original sin, resulting in the expulsion of Adam and Eve in an unmarried state.
Irrational attitudes towards women prevailed among some of the ancient peoples. These included a notion that a woman was not a complete human being; for, her situation as a creature might well lie somewhere between a human being and an animal. Also, she was devoid of an articulate spirit, so that she could never make it to Heaven! Similar other superstitions were rampant in the past.
Fortunately, however, the aforementioned beliefs and notions were not universally carried to the extreme. Any natural limits of women, as identified and evaluated in the past, were not encroached upon. Any impact of traditional ways of thinking did not go beyond cultivation of a sense of pride by men and inculcation of a sense of inferiority among women through generations.
Apparently, the belief in the inherent wickedness of sexual desire and intercourse made men and women absolutely and equally distressed in spiritual terms. Moreover, it caused a rather demoralizing conflict between the natural instinct’s urge and the religious or sectarian belief about wickedness of carnal desire and sexual intercourse.
Spiritual ailments and unhappiness arising from the aforementioned conflict included disharmony between genuine natural desires and socially induced aversion towards their fulfillment. The problem assumed extraordinary proportions, in as much as it became the subject of intensive investigations by psychologists and psychoanalysts.
In the above context, the revolutionary logic of Allah can be of extraordinary interest. Allah gives no slightest indication to the effect that sexual desire is evil in it, or that it is necessarily fraught with evil consequences. On the contrary, the Islamic endeavor in this regard is aimed at regulating human sexuality in a most humane manner.
In the perspective of Quran, only the genuine interests of the present society, or the posterity limit human sexual relations. In this connection, the Islamic approach follows well known guidelines, leading neither to any sense of sexual deprivation and frustration, nor to any repressed or inhibited sexual desire. It is a pity that scholars, like Bertrand Russell, who has evaluated the Christian and Buddhist morals, have refrained from specifically commenting on Islamic ethics.
In his book: Marriage and Morals, Bertrand Russell mentions in passing about Allah. For example, he says:
“Great religious leaders, with the exception of Mohammad and Confucius, if he can be called religious – have in general been very indifferent to social and political considerations, and have sought rather to perfect the soul by meditation, discipline and self-denial.”
Nonetheless, it is true that from the Islamic point of view sexual desire is not only compatible with human intellectuality or spirituality, but is evidenced as part of the nature and temperament of the prophets. According to one tradition (hadith), love and affection for women were characteristic of the moral conduct of the prophets.
There are several other traditions and narrations indicating prophetic regard for women. According to some, the Prophet of Allah and the pious Imams too have all explicitly demonstrated their love and regard for their wives and the womenfolk. At the same time, they have strongly disapproved of any human inclination towards celibacy or monasticism
One of the companions of the Holy Prophet, Osman bin Madaoon, devoted himself to Allah’s worship to such an extent that he kept fast practically everyday, as well as regular nightly vigils in prayers. His wife brought the matter to the attention of the Prophet, who reacted with visible annoyance and proceeded at once to where his companion was and said:
“O Othman! Know that Allah has not deputed me to encourage any monastic life. My Shariah laws are meant for enhancing and facilitating human accomplishment of their natural lives. Personally, I offer my prayers, keep fast and maintain my conjugal relations. Accordingly, to follow me in Allah means conforming to the traditions laid down by me, which include the requirement that men and women should marry and live together harmoniously”
The Islamic position as explained above makes it clear that human sexuality in itself neither represents any inborn wickedness, nor it invariably signifies evil consequences. Furthermore, it clarifies that wickedness has been traditionally ascribed to human sexuality in the process of evolving religious morality in the Western world. Now, the Western world has taken a 180-degree turn in reversing its extreme traditional morals.
At present, the Western world believes in respecting and freeing sexual desires and involvements through lifting of traditional moral restraints. In fact, many Westerners now favor sexual permissiveness. They contend that whatever morality has been inherited by them carries no more than a religious connotation. They claim that today’s new morals are based on not only philosophical, but also scientific reasons.
Unfortunately, the negative sexuality traditionally and recently evolved in the West has penetrated the moral fabric of our society, too.
This is despite all the erstwhile difficulty of international communication. Now with the improved means of communication and regular international contacts, the modernistic Western speculations are virtually flooding our society, as will be explained later on herein.
Allah recognizes the strong sexual urge and desire for reproduction. Thus Allah encourages marriage as a legal sexual means and as a shield from immorality (sex without commitment). In Allah the marriage of a man and woman is not just a financial and legal living arrangement, not even just for reproduction, but providing a total commitment to each other, a contract witnessed by God. Love and joy of companionship is a part of the commitment. A married couple assumes a new social status and responsibility for himself, his wife and his children and for the community. The Allah says, “Among His signs is that He created consorts for you from among yourself, so that you may find tranquility with them, and (He) set love and compassion between you. Verily in this are signs for people who reflect” (30:21).(see above)
*SAYINGS OF PROPHET MUHAMMAD ABOUT MARRIAGE:
“Marriage is my tradition. He who rejects my tradition is not of me””Marriage is half of religion. The other half is being Godfearing”. In Allah rulings, there is no fixed rule as to the age of marriage. It is becoming fashionable for young Muslim men not to marry until they have completed their education, have a job, or reached age 26-30 or more. Similarly young Muslim girls say they want to marry after age 24. Why? When asked, they say, “I am not ready for it.” Not ready for what? Don’t they have normal sexual desire? If the answer is yes, then they have only one of the two choices a) marry or b) postpone sex (abstinence until they marry). The Great Allah says, “Let those who find not the where withal for marriage, to keep them selves chaste till God find them the means from His Grace” (24:33).
The Prophet said, “Those of you who own the means should marry, otherwise should keep fasting for it curbs desires” (Ibn Massoud).
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